


dead man walking

by mountaindews



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, eventual spoilers for lionheart, some mature content along the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 19:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7521040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mountaindews/pseuds/mountaindews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo, as he knew him, doesn’t exist anymore.<br/>The thin, shivering silhouette on the bed isn’t him, not anymore. Between the dirty and messy sheets rests a ghost, a ghost from the past, a ghost that has nothing to do with the smile and laugh that warm up his memories every time he so vaguely recalls them. He can’t bring them back, he knows. It hurts him to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dead man walking

__ «  Can I, perhaps, get you to talk to my brother in his room, Izumi-san… I think if it’s you Izumi-san, my brother would listen. A-at least eat… I’ve said that to him, but he doesn’t listen. If this continues, his body will break. P-please, please help. »  
Izumi just breathes. _  
_ He takes a hesitant step towards the door  near the entrance, and Ruka’s teary eyes follow him  inside.

 

_ dead man walking _

 

Leo’s room is almost as he left it last time: a mess, just _if possibly_ worse.  
There are paper sheets scattered all over the floor, uncapped markers over them and their caps left on a bedside table covered in bottles of energy drinks; some of them fell on the floor, piling, adding to the annoying, burning feeling of _not caring_ that the room gives off. The curtains are closed, the light seeping in through them casting soft shadows over the wasteland on the floor, and Izumi has to put extra care in not tripping over shoes and dirty clothes that reek of sweat and have suspiciously large spots only spilled food could have left. He bends over, picking up a sheet that probably was a song before something erased the notes, leaving just blurred traces of black ink over the paper. Leo has never been tidy; it was always Izumi to tidy up the mess he left, after practice, in the changing rooms, basically every place he stepped in and roamed in during one of his inspiration attacks. Fun, how Izumi never managed to clean up the mess he made in his head, looking for him and his voice every day, chasing his princely ghost over time and memories. Maybe that’s why he listened to Ruka today, of all days, in a useless attempt to get him out of his brain.  
Leo, as he knew him, doesn’t exist anymore.  
The thin, shivering silhouette on the bed isn’t him, not anymore. Between the dirty and messy sheets rests a ghost, a ghost from the past, a ghost that has nothing to do with the smile and laugh that warm up his memories every time he so vaguely recalls them. He can’t bring them back, he knows. It hurts him to know.  
But the hurt behind Ruka’s voice was too high and clear to let it wash over him, the bright, too bright request of help making his thoughts shake. He can’t leave Ruka alone.  
That’s not what Leo would want him to do.  
« How did you break into my room? »  
It’s a familiar voice that reaches his ears, but Izumi doesn’t know who it belongs to. He looks up, his ice cold gaze meeting a faint emerald one, circled in a far too dark black to belong to someone who’s sleeping and eating enough. He shouldn’t care. He shouldn’t care. He swallows the words he has on the tip of his tongue, and every regret he may have right now goes down with them.  
« Ruka let me in. »  
There’s a brief chuckle coming out from that mess of untidy orange hair and messy sheets on the bed, before something moves and Izumi can see him clearly. There’s a bitter smile on his face, and Izumi wants no more than making it disappear, because it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t suit his still pink lips and the pale cheeks, it doesn’t fit any of the memories he has of him. He doesn’t want to believe that all he has thought of Leo has been fed upon memories that mean nothing now that they’re face to face. But it’s far too clear, cruelly so, as he looks into Leo’s eyes.  
« Bullshit » another breath; it’s almost like Leo is breathing loudly to remind himself he has to, that he’s alive « Ruka wouldn’t have – »  
« Ruka is worried about you, fucking shithead » he doesn’t care how mean his words are. He’s not known for his kindness, and he’s never been kind with Leo after all, « so worried that she cried while asking me to tell you to eat. Are you satisfied? You made her cry » Izumi breathes once, a quiet puff of air that makes a sharp noise in the now silent room « because you’re so selfish that you can’t even see how worried your precious little sister is. »  
Leo clenches his fist, even so weakly; Izumi can see his knees shake as he gets up from the bed, his entire body shivering like he’s the most pathetic being in the world.  
_Punch me_ , Izumi thinks. _Punch me. Show me that you still care about something. I won’t fight back._  
Leo doesn’t punch him. His fists fall down his sides, like he can’t balance himself on his feet with his closed hands being too much weight for him to handle. It’s disgusting. Izumi bites his lips lightly, looking at him with a strange mix of pity and disgust.  
« Why are you here? »  
Leo’s voice is bitter and low, throaty even, like he hasn’t spoken in days. ( _He probably hasn’t.)_  
« I had to bring something for you to sign. You’re still our leader. I gave it to Ruka, I’m coming back for it tomo – »  
« Not that » Leo’s voice is even more bitter than before, like he’s talking with a child, someone that doesn’t understand him at all; « why are you _here?_ Why do you care? »  
Why does he care?  
Izumi knows. He wants to deny that he knew it all along, from the day he almost threw a chair at him, at that smile, at that laugh that made him warm inside. That made him feel alive. Leo gave him the right to exist, something so easy, so overwhelmingly beautiful it made him struggle to breathe. Something so painful that it makes him want to puke now. He bites it back. He drowns his feelings in the ocean of waste that lays on the floor, the dirty shirts, the songs nobody will hear, the markers whose ink dried in the air.  
The Leo he knew — the Leo he loved will never come back.  
There’s no use in holding onto him.  
« I don’t care » he says, simply. Nothing more than that. The words flutter in the air for a bit after leaving his lips, and Leo savors them like an animal, looking at him like he’s just seen a ghost « I don’t care about you. I care about knights, though, and that’s why I make sure you’re alive. We can’t keep going on without a leader » his breath hitches on the word, but he pretends he hasn’t noticed « that signs stupid school stuff for us. »  
Leo is no king, not anymore. Not even this fucking messy room would accept something so broken as its king.  
« Sena. »  
There’s no bitterness in Leo’s voice; no signs of being hurt. Nothing. Just a cold feeling that Izumi recognizes too well; it’s in his voice too, every time he speaks.  
Izumi looks up again. He didn’t even realize he stopped looking at Leo until he fixates his gaze on his face again, seeing how his thin lips have become even thinner in an emotionless expression, how his green eyes are wide reflecting his own. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights, right before the car crashes against his fragile body, crushing his ribs and making his breath stop all of a sudden, without a single chance of coming back again.  
« Sena, look at me. »  
He’s already looking at him, he wants to point out. But when he sees something flashing in his eyes, he realizes he’s not looking _at_ him at all, and his gaze roams deeper, trying to see what’s on the other side of that seemingly unshakable shield Leo has put up.  
So he looks at Leo.  
It’s just a bit of a surprise when he smashes their lips together, a messy, rushed kiss that doesn’t mean to be gentle or caring and makes their teeth clash. Izumi jolts a little, his hands coming up in his hair, getting tangled in the knots and pulling a bit; Leo’s breath gets stuck in his throat, letting it out with a moan when Izumi bites his bottom lip.  
_Say something. Say anything._  
Leo’s hand finds the zip of his pants, roughly trying to pull it down without breaking the kiss. Izumi’s fingers help it find its way as he breathes hard through his nose, not leaving Leo’s hair with his free hand, pulling at it without caring if he’s hurting him or not.  
_(He’s alive. He’s breathing again.)_  
Something is off when Leo breaks the kiss and looks at him again, his eyes trailing down his lightly flushed cheeks, his already buckling hips, his own hand resting against the thin, thin cloth of his grey boxers. He moves his fingers, letting them slip lower and brush Izumi's still clothed cock, eliciting a muffled moan from him, and licks his lips.  
« Say you want it. »  
Something is off with his voice.  
Something isn’t right, Izumi feels it in his bones.  
( _He wants it. He wants all of this. The rise and the fall and the sweat, the stretch and the burn and Leo’s breath against his ear. He can already picture his body flush against Leo’s, on these dirty sheets, on that bed which is so messed up they would only do better for it. He maybe has waited for it since he’s met Leo._  
But not like this.)  
« I – » Izumi breathes again, deep; he can feel his very lungs fill with burning air that tastes like broken dreams « I don’t. » He doesn’t want to prove Leo right, « I’m not a toy for your self esteem, Leo. »  
A keen. A sob.  
Leo doesn’t let go of him. Izumi gently untangles his hand from his hair, moves his fingers, zips his pants back up.  
« I’m not something you can use to prove you’re alive. I’m – » he swallows his own sobs; Leo’s ones are enough « I’m a human being, Leo. I’m not sure about you, though. »  
There’s hardly anything not human in the way Leo sobs, fallen back on the bed, covering his eyes and biting his sleeve. Izumi’s collected calm is inhuman, unnatural, it makes his own throat burn acid with bile, his eyes sting in an unfamiliar pain he hates, he hates, he hates.  
He doesn’t let his feelings out again.  
They’ve done enough damage for today.  
« I’m coming back for the envelope tomorrow. Remember to sign it, and make your signature clear enough. And at least eat something, Ruka is really, really worried for you. »  
He turns his back to the bed, reaching for the door with quick steps. He doesn’t care about stepping on shirts, food envelopes, markers, anything; when his hand touches the doorknob, he’s almost grateful.  
« Sena. »  
It’s high, desperate; not the prideful cry of a falling king, but the keen of a needy child, clinging on a tree like it’s his most precious toy during a storm he’s lost himself into.  
Leo has already fallen. He doesn't care. He shouldn't care.  
He cares.  
But he doesn’t turn back to him. He doesn’t have to care, he shouldn’t show it. But his eyes give it off; they’re as desperate as Leo’s, as watery as his, his lips deformed in an ugly grin he would hate if he saw it.  
In his last steps out of the house, Leo doesn’t know he cares. But he wouldn’t have believed it.  
Izumi doesn’t believe it, either. He hurts to think his love for a dead man walking won’t disappear like he did.

**Author's Note:**

> hit my twitter: @natsumaos  
> and leave kudos/comments if you liked it! i'd love to know what you think of this little piece ;;/


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